Are you experiencing distance in your marriage or relationship? This is one of the most common things experienced by partners in a relationship. The longer the relationship has endured, the more likely you are to experience highs and lows. Marriage counseling can help you to weather the cycles of distance and closeness that often occur within a long term relationship. Here are some things to think about when you are experiencing distance.

Take Stock

Take stock of your relationship. Have you been putting time and effort into maintaining it? Like anything else precious and living, a relationship requires feeding and care in order to thrive. If you’ve been taking your relationship for granted and not putting in the necessary effort, you may find that you don’t feel as close to your partner as you’d like to. Make an effort to do things together that you both enjoy – whether it’s putting aside dedicated time to talk, watching your favorite show with your favorite snacks, or taking a little trip together somewhere new. Sometimes, little things mean the most. Think about slipping a note in your partner’s work bag reminding them that you’re thinking about them while they’re away. Maybe get them something that they want or need and leave it somewhere for them to find.

Care for Yourself

Sometimes, distance can result from self-neglect. If you’re not taking care of your own needs, you can’t expect to be a good partner. If you’re feeling distance in your relationship, it may be a good time to give back to yourself. What do you need in order to feel like the best version of yourself? Do you need time alone to replenish your stores of energy? Do you need a nap? Do you need a massage? Taking care of yourself and your own needs can help you to give back more to your relationship.


Communication is key in every relationship. When it comes to marriage or long term committed relationships, communication is absolutely vital. If you are feeling distance in your relationship, talk about it. Put aside some time to talk with your partner to see what they’re feeling and to find out if there’s any specific reason for the distance.

Make sure to approach the topic without accusation or anger. Calm, considerate words are the best way to enter into a conversation that may be sensitive or emotionally triggering. If you or your partner has any trauma related to abandonment, control, or rejection, this kind of conversation can be especially tricky.

Listening carefully and coming to the conversation with an open mind is the surest way to allow your partner to speak freely and feel heard and respected. When you give respect and kindness, you’re more likely to receive it back.

Schedule Marriage Counseling

If you need help navigating distance in your relationship, contact us. Marriage counseling can be a useful tool in facilitating communication and getting to the root of emotional issues. Contact us by phone at 925.324.4514 or online. We look forward to hearing from you.