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Individuals, Couples and Family Therapist
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Relationship Puzzle
A Piece
We Are All Trying To Figure This Out

Keeping this in mind, we are all trying to figure this out, gives us a moment to consider our actions/words and those of others through a kinder, gentler lens. Too often we attach malicious intent to the behavior of others. They are out to hurt/harm us, they only think of themselves, they are withholding, they are mean, they are out to get me, they’re never going to change, and on we go. While there are relationships where all of this may be true, most the time, it is not. Unless we unknowingly choose unavailable humans who predominately focus on themselves. A challenge is that the behaviors of the they we ascribe malevolent intent is to, is often true of us.

Foe a moment, ponder this…..Wouldn’t it be interesting to revisit past relationships with a current relationship? Take them with to see how the person on the other side of us felt being in a relationship with us. We humans are creatures of habit! What would they highlight as the challenges, the beauty, the defining moments, the lingering impact of the relationship on them to this day? How many times would we invoke, “Yeah, not my finest moment”? Did we engage in any of the behaviors that we negatively assign to others? Self-centeredness, meanness, aggressiveness, manipulation, abandonment, intimidation, betrayal, coersion…… If we held up a discerning mirror to ourselves as human beings in relationships, what would we see?

If we make the decision to step into the relationship forum with each other, we know we will feel challenged, and we will feel pain. This is inevitable. When the relationship becomes challenging, we want to blame the other as the reason why the connection has dissipated. What happened to looking at the way each of us have contributed to the demise of the relationship? To quote George Bernard Shaw, “I am saddened by the loss of love, and my responsibility for it”

What is the reason for holding onto past transgressions? Purpose/intent

What does anyone owe us when a relationship ends? What do we owe to the other?

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